Chapter Sixteen: Week 3 Story The Snake and the Mouse

 I’m not entirely sure if we were supposed to write about what we read this week, but I wanted to write a story similar to the anthology stories we read last week. 

The snake and the mouse

 

Once upon a time there was a mouse outside of a cave. He seemed like he was going about his day normally and calmly, until a snake showed up. The snake was awfully hungry, just about anything would do. He spotted the mouse and started his way towards it. As he got closer the mouse acknowledged his arrival. “Hello there Mr. Snake,” said the mouse. The snake was confused by this weird reaction to his presence but nevertheless responded, “hello Mr. Mouse.” “What are you up to on such a lovely day?”, said the mouse. “Well,” said the snake, “I’m looking for lunch and it seems I have found it.” “Oh how lovely!”, said the mouse. Again, this confused the snake. Did the mouse not realize that he was going to be the snake’s lunch? Surely he wasn’t THAT dull. The snake continued the conversation by saying, “yes, lovely indeed.” The mouse then came up to the snake and looked him in the eyes and said, “okay, well, do what you’re going to do, but DON’T go into that cave.” The snake thought this was very bold of the mouse. How dare he tell him what not to do! The snake said to the mouse, “you must be crazy if you think I’m going to take orders from you!” The mouse tried convincing him to not go into the cave for the next hour, but ultimately did not prevail. When the snake went into the cave, he was found face to face with a giant eagle. The mouse, still outside of the cave, heard the screeching of the eagle and the hissing of the snake. “I wonder what’s going on in there.” But his knowledge of wait awaited kept him from satisfying his curiosity. Curiosity did kill the cat, after all, but it wouldn’t kill this mouse. After all the commotion died down, the eagle came out of the cave and said to the mouse, “you’ve earned yourself one more day of life Mr. Mouse, but if I see you again, you’ll be my lunch!” Relieved that the snake was dumb enough to fall for his trick, the mouse went on his way to live out the rest of the day. 


(Photo from Flickr By Anandajoti Bhikkhu)     


Author’s Note: I used Goblin City as a base for this story. Basically, Goblin City is a story about a place where goblins disguise themselves as women and trap men there by having them get married to them (the goblins). When the men have been there for a little while, the goblins will then take their husbands and eat them. A ship full of men crash onto goblin city and most of the men marry. A few of the men start to notice something wrong. They realize that they’re going to be done in. So the men who believed they were going to be eaten by their wives fled the city and the ones who stayed met their demise. I didn’t want to go based off this story too mush, but I wanted the ending to be quite similar in that one of the characters didn’t heed a warning. 


The story I based off of is titled Goblin City and it’s written by W. H. D. Rouse



Comments

  1. Hi Kassy, one part in your story confused me. Where is says "But his knowledge of wait awaited kept him..." in particular is the confusing part to me. However, I liked the story as a whole. One question I would pose is why is the mouse staying there? It seems like the eagle has dealt with the mouse before, yet the mouse is still around.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Kassy!
    I really enjoyed your story. I thought that you did a really good job of incorporating the source text of the Snake and the Mouse. I really think that this would be a good addition in the classroom as the story seems like it might appeal to children. Its simple but creative nature encourages me to want to write in this style. My only critique would be that I think that the ending was a bit lack luster. There are a lot really good lines in this story that comment on violence and warnings. I would really like to see you incorporate a bit more from the source material, and I think that if the story was a bit longer that it would be much improved, but overall, this story is really well executed! I really enjoyed reading this story and cant wait to read more in the future!
    -Mikayla

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kassy,

    WOW, I can't believe the Snake didn't eat the Mouse for dinner. I really like the information you shared in great detail about the cave and exactly what was going on down there. I also can't believe the Mouse didn't realize that the Snake was talking about finding his dinner but was actually talking about him, no way the mouse was that dumb and didn't realize that. I wonder what events would've taken place if the Snake hadn't gone into the cave. Maybe the snake would've eaten the mouse?? Maybe they would've become good friends? Who knows, but also I wonder why the Giant Eagle didn't just eat both of them. What if you told some of the story and then had sentences of what they said, I think it would be easier to read and visualize everything that was going on more. Not exactly what you HAVE to do, but I think it would be good. Overall, your story was a fun one to read and go over.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Kassy,

    First of all, I love the mouse's sassy attitude. He tells the snake what's up and doesn't mince his words about it either which is an interesting character trait for such a traditionally timid creature. I love the witty tone of this piece as well.

    I wonder what this story would sound like if you went into more depth on the interaction between the snake and the mouse. The dialogue was awesome, but what are the snake and the mouse doing while they are talking? Is the snake slithering and lisping his words? Is the mouse scuttling along? It would add interest to have those visuals.

    Finally, what if you include more of a background on the characters. Introduce a little bit who they are, what their names are, and why we should care for them or not care for them. It would create higher stakes within the story.

    Have a great day Kassy! This was an awesome story.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Kassy,
    Nice to meet you! I really enjoyed reading this story and the use of dialogue. I also used the story Golbin City as the base of one of my stories; It is very interesting to see your interpretation and adaptation of that story. One change in particular that I liked was how you changed the characters to a snake and a mouse. That, along with the dialogue paired great for an enjoyable story. Overall, this story was very entertaining and you did a good job of adapting it to your own story. I look forward to reading some of your other stories.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts